Heinz may be the king of collabs—remember the pink Barbie mayo?—but this one feels like it came straight out of a culinary fever dream. Say hello to the Heinz x Absolut Pasta Sauce. Yes, vodka. In a pasta sauce. And no, it’s not an April Fool’s joke or a recipe gone rogue on TikTok.
Apparently, someone out there stared at their Bloody Mary, then at their spaghetti, and thought, “Why not both?” And thus, this glorious jar of boozy tomato magic was born. A legit fusion of Heinz’s saucy know-how and Absolut’s spirituous flair, this sauce is essentially your favorite Penne alla Vodka bottled and ready to heat—no bartending skills or Italian grandma required.
The label is loud, proud, and very red. In case the words “vodka sauce” weren’t clear enough, there’s a giant Absolut branding staring at you from the jar like it knows you’ve had a long week. But before you panic: no, it won’t get you tipsy. The alcohol cooks off—sorry, party people—but it leaves behind a velvety richness that says, “Yes, I’m fancy, and no, I didn’t make this from scratch.”
Is it weird? Sure. Unexpected? Absolutely (see what I did there?). Delicious? Well, I don’t know. It has Absolut in it, so I guess probably? And in a world where we’ve accepted pink sauce, mustard-flavored Skittles, and ketchup ice cream (yes, it exists), this actually feels kinda… normal?
So raise your forks and toast your linguine, because this saucy crossover proves one thing: when life gives you tomatoes and vodka, you make pasta. It can be had from Waitrose and Ocado in the U.K. However, last check, we are not able to locate them. We managed to find it selling at heinztohome.co.uk for £1.80, though.
Images: Instagram (@absolut).
